Click-load
66His child
Pastels...one to another
a joy to behold...to enfold...
his treasure...gone....
-------------------------------------
.......CLICK!...load
One round in the chamber
five rounds in my hand
This gun can take a human life
this gun can kill a man
.......CLICK!....load
Two rounds in the chamber
four rounds waiting still
The treasure of my life I've lost
It's time to pay the bill
....... CLICK!.....load
Three rounds in the chamber
four rounds I still see
Please let this work the way it should
please let this set me free
.......CLICK!......load
Four rounds in the chamber
two rounds soaked with sweat
I need my end so badly
release me from this debt
.......CLICK!.......load
Five rounds in the chamber
one gleaming in my eye
I need to see my joy again
somehow I must try
..........boom boom...bang bang...lie down...your dead
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Ya dispatch,were at the scene now...hell of a mess on that mirror...suicide...
Hey Joey,check this out.Newspaper article...pretty girl...raped an murdered...same last name...must-a been his kid...to bad.
Why would a guy put five rounds in a gun to shoot himself once?
I don't know Joey...nut job I guess...We're done here lets go get some lunch.
Poor schmuck.
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What is a father to do...when he looses the joy in his life...but follow after... to seek forgiveness...for not having been there...when she needed him most...
...feed your head...
Powerful.
Happy New Year, Dean
This reminds me of Dr. Frederick Miller who shot himself in the mouth on January 06, 1970, in his office. He was an obstetrician, one of the last old time doctors in this area. A very kind and gentle doctor. He himself was not very old and no one knows for sure why, but he killed himself in his personal office which so happens to be my personal office now.
I often wonder what was going on for him in general and what was going on at the moment of leaving us. He left a note on the door to his nurse, "Do not come in, call sheriff."
So the story is tru!
happy new year, friend
Love and peace
Vern
Even with a bullet in it - his head was clear as a bell!
Dean! Happy New Year my friend!!! Well, you never cease to amaze me! I did feed my head and I thought of the shooting range I went to a while ago where I almost got killed! Well anyway, I love the way you take chances in your writing. Intense but good "thinking material." You have a very intriguing side to you. You take chances and this is what makes you so damn cool! This is going to be a great year! Right? Best, G
Very powerful and you have an excellent use of language, rhythm and flow.
Ah, I dated this girl, she jumped off a barstool...we called it done.
Cool read Cheaptrick.
Ben
Wow, just caught my breath to say...that was good, morbid, but very, very good! And thanks for stopping by my Hub.
wow. deep. that's crazy how you right like that! it's so dark. and the part where the two just shrug it off and go get lunch is fairly accurate. but i love the poem! and the end part is very gripping. i like it alot! keep it up! ^_^
Incredibly dark, as you are, my friend, Cheaptrickey...! Is that you in your new avatar? Hmmmmm....I bet. As usual, you taken this maze in many directions leaving the reader in a confused state. Keep it up, it's becoming, you rascal.
"Always thinking at the speed of dark"as my profile says.
Remember my friends...without the dark...there can be no light.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I had to read this twice because it was morbid and yet it was so well written. It was the ending but I guess surprised me with the police acting so nonchalant at a murder scene.
Whoa. Well done
Thank you for all your generous comments...though I don't really deserve them.
A poem like this wells up and demands its self.
I had no other choice.
Rapid fire prose for a conceal and carry country I like it man.
Stay green
Ben
LillyGrillzit Level 1 Commenter 17 months ago
Your writing is always intriguing and it is a pleasure to read your Hubs. I had to go back a couple of times, and it is still on my mind. Thanks. Happy New Year, 2011 and beyond