Things you should know about Stalking and Lurking,an insider's point of view.

Have you been in a bad relationship and crossed that line you know you shouldn't cross when it ends.If you Coincidentally show up at every place your Ex is time and time again,you should ask your self these questions.

Am I a Stalker?

Is stalking OK...as long as I just...Watch?

Does running into her/him all the time accomplish anything?

Just because I hide in the bushes and watch her/him every night,does that mean I'm Obsessed?

Should I stop sticking needles in the eye balls of the Voodoo doll I made?

Maybe the Rat poison I want to put in his/her nasal spray isn't such a good idea after all?

Why do you suppose Jeff Ross really wrote this poem?

           : I MISS HER SOMETIMES:

           I ran into my Ex the other day...

                  then...I backed up...

               and ran into her again...

               I miss her sometimes...

When we hide in the shadows and focus our attention on our Ex at every opportunity,we move almost imperceptibly from stalking into the world of

          LURKING!...yes...LURKING!

Which is the focus of this Hub.Lurking has taken a bad rap for many years because it's associated with Stalking.Most people assume that Lurking is an Evil thing,but no one knows why.When lurking is done with Evil intent the Lurking gets blamed for the Evil which is unfair to those of us who enjoy and participate in"Recreational Lurking"!I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to my most Fun hobby...cause I recently got back into it and...I'm so glad I did!

As a young man I used to Lurk occasionally just for the fun of it.I was a novice Lurker at the time however and never really refined my Lurking so I could fully enjoy it.Well,as I said,a short while ago I took up the hobby of Lurking again and I highly recommend it.Its so much Fun I'm considering starting a local chapter of"Lovable Lurkers" in my area.There are several pit falls you should avoid though if you join me in the Recreational Lurking Community.These are the two that I consider"Highest"[it helps intensify your Lurking]on my list.

1 Never Lurk around Children cause they don't understand its just for fun and you don't want a screaming wailing wet pants-ed kid on your conscience .Plus,there big ass Dad will understand even less and he will definitely screw up your Lurking experience leaving you with a bad taste(Not to mention his fist or foot)in your mouth or butt.

2 Excelling in most hobbies brings recognition.If you get recognition in Lurking it makes it really really hard to Lurk effectively.Getting recognised diminishes your concentration to the point that you'll start making mistakes...like lurking out side of some ladies bedroom window.Then you get busted as a peeping Tom...even if you didn't peep!Finally,your non lurking friends will start drawing attention to you right when you don't want it.They'll be saying

         Hey!Isn't that Dean Lurking over there?

                             HI Dean!

                Hows your Lurking going?

                            Having fun?

Are you going to Lurk at Lorie's lingerie party this evening?

                      Hope to see you there!

{Of course,some times they do compliment you as well.}

      Hey Y'all,look over there...behind that bush!

         Isn't that Dean lurking in the shadows?

                           What a Guy!

                    He sure is dedicated!

                        Always Lurking!

        And teaching others how to Lurk Too!

Remember,should you decide to join me,that Lurking must always be done in the shadows so its not confused with my other favorite hobby which is

                        LOITERING!

But that's a whole nother Hub and requires an artistic study of at least one Monty Python or Mel Brooks movie.Loitering properly takes lots of practice in body language and facial expresion.So...lets get back to the subject at hand.

I started doing some of my Lurking away from where folks recognised me so I could have fun again.It just wasn't the same,I really enjoyed Lurking around my friends and family.Lurking around strangers is kinda like having a one night stand,I always feel a little dirty afterwards.Those of you who also Lurk as a Hobby no what I'm talking about.

So how do I get the thrill back?Hmmm...I love Lurking,Its made me the man I am today.The only possible solution I can think of is plastic surgery so nobody recognises me.The thing is,that would just lead to a vicious cycle of Lurking for a while then getting recognised and having to get more surgery.If folks would just give us Lurkers a chance we could exchange lurking techniques and finally be accepted as the fine upstanding non political non law breaking non littering non people hurting etc etc etc.......folks we are!

Coming out of the Lurking closet was the hardest thing I've done in the last thirty minutes[that's how long it took to write this hub]and though people above the first floor look down on me now,I wrote this Hub so closet Lurkers would come out.

Also,I would like some advise so I can become the best Lurker I can be in the local Lurking community.This issue is very Important to me and countless other Lurkers.I know many....and all both of them agree....The three of us are planning a march on Washington to raise awareness about the plight of Recreational Lurkers in this country.Ultimately we would like to remove the stigma that Lurking has attached to it.Our motto is"Live free,Lurk free"!In conclusion I'd like to paraphrase what Patrick Henry said"Give me Lurking or give me...a Heineken"?

So Please stop bashing Lurkers!

It just isn't Fair!

and...uhhh...hmmm...I got nothin else...

 

                                  ...feed your head...